This is not meant to belittle the Avi Choice Awards. Like everything else that I write, this is written in the spirit of silliness and fun!
Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Children of all ages!
Oh wait….wrong pomp for the circumstance!
Booming announcer voice: “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the second annual Ty’s Choice Awards! And now…your hostess with the mostest, Tyche Szondi!”
Thank you disembodied booming voice! Welcome everyone to the second annual Ty’s Choice Awards! Can you believe it has already been a year? Can you believe that I have been permitted by management to host again this year?!?
Speaking of management, we are thrilled to have the marvelous Meegan Danitz in attendance this year, Following last year’s series of “wardrobe malfunctions” she has decided to make sure that nothing of that nature will occur this year. I am sure you all got a good look at her on the red carpet, I honestly did not know that someone could look so stunning in a full length mumu!
Ahhh……Ty’s Choice….MY Choice…the only award that is given completely arbitrarily based on the opinion of one person, There is not panel of judges, there is no selection committee, there is just me and whatever strikes my fancy! It happens to be my most favorite awards show of the year, and I hope it is in at least your top ten!
But I digress! Some of the awards require a bit of explanation this year, Why you ask? Because I happen to like catchy names and when one fits and makes sense in my head I realize that it might not make so much sense to everyone else. If they do immediately make sense to you, you might want to seek professional help! Oh! And for those of you who are paying attention, you might have noticed that the award itself has changed this year. I certainly think it is a better representation of the award’s namesake!
On with the show!
As was the format last year, I will not be boring you with long-winded attempts at making you laugh or over produced musical numbers. We are here to find out who won! Now, When you read the list you need to read them in an announcer’s voice. “And the TCA for ________ goes to_____!” Extra points if you read them aloud, in public and get strange looks from people around you!
The Bipolar Set Award (Best at taking you from laughing to tearing up in the matter of a song.) : SaraMarie Philly
The “Caution! Wet Floor!” Award (Because sometimes that voice requires the use of added safety measures!): Twinghost Ronas
The G-String Award (Most likely to play wearing nothing but a G-string!): Grif Bamaisin
Biggest Tip (Jar!): Sassy Nitely
The Sharing the “Love” Award (Given for the silliest/dirtiest/funniest “love” song dedications.): Vinnie “The Vinnie Show”
The “SURPRISE!” Award (Most likely to refuse to play a song for over a year then whip it out (the song you perverts!) for someone’s birthday): PT Beardmore
The “Lost in Space” Award (Most likely to get on a tangent and lose track of time): Funkyfreddy Republic
The In Absentia Award (Most Likely to Play While Crashed) : Lyndon Heart
The Snuggle Humper (Most Likely to Elicit Snuggle Humps From Meegan): Roxy Paradox
The “Nothing is Safe” Award (Most Likely to Read IM’s aloud during her set): Rara Destiny
Best Growl (Yes, this IS a repeat of last year, but c’mon, that growl is flipping amazing!): Joel Eilde (Red Heaven)
The Phan-Phucking-Tastic Award: Phemie Alcott
Most Rock Star Sounding Name: Steely Decosta
The “Talk Dirty to Me” Award (Most Likely to Elicit Naughty Talk in Local During Their Set): Ren and Quai
The Luxurious Locks Award (In both SL and RL) Voodoo Shilton
Most Diverse Song List: Maximillion Kleene
The Benefactor Award (For his work with Homes for Veterans) Frets Nirvana
Most Zealous Fans (I am looking at you, Bean!) Stephanniyah Sinatra
This year’s Lifetime Achievement Award goes to After Dark Lounge’s very own Meegan Danitz. Her passion for music and artistry is what keeps the lights on and brings all of these amazing artists to the stage.
Let’s hear a round of applause for all of our winners! Remember, there are not losers at After Dark Lounge…..well, there was that one guy that one time, but that is what the “block” feature is for!
The after party is calling and the booze is flowing. I must apologize for the lack of red carpet pictures this year. It came down to hire a photographer or have an open bar and I think that we can all agree which if the more important of the two!
Much love and many congratulations!