Booming announcer voice: “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first annual Ty’s Choice Awards! And now…your hostess for the evening, Tyche Szondi!”
Thank you! Thank you! You can all sit now, there is no need for all of that. There will be plenty of time to show your undying love and appreciation for me at the after party!
It is my pleasure to welcome you to the first annual Ty’s Choice Awards! This is an award show like no other! There are no nominees. There are no losers. Rather than having our regular musicians vying against one another for some silly statuette, I have taken it upon myself to give each of them an award in a category completely tailored just for them! Another way the Ty’s Choice Awards are better than other awards shows is the lack of long winded acceptance speeches. (Unless any of the artists would like to send me an acceptance speech, in which case I will gladly feature it on the website!)
One final thing before we hand out the awards. Unfortunately, Meegan Danitz cannot be with us this evening. As some of you may have witnessed before the show while on the red carpet, Meegan was told by security that if she had one more nip slip she would be banned from the show and not allowed back on the premises until the show was over. Upon hearing this, Meegan untied her wrap dress and walked the rest of the red carpet with her dress hanging open and all of her lady bits showing. At the end of the red carpet she was taken into custody. We wish her the best and look forward to seeing her at the after party!
Now on with the show! Screw the silly jokes between awards, and the music numbers. Let’s give these things out! Now, When you read the list you need to read them in an announcer’s voice. “And the TCA for ________ goes to_____!” Extra points if you read them aloud and get strange looks from people around you!
Best Growl: Joel Eilde (Red Heaven)
Most Angelic Giggle: Lyrica Acoustic
Most Demonic Laugh: FunkyFreddy Republic
Best Wood: Obeloinkment Wrigglesworth
Most Likely to Sing About Wood: SaraMarie Philly (Dick Family Reunion)
Most Likely to Work Local Chat Into a Song: Porter Paquot
Most Likely to be Distracted By Meegan in a Short Skirt: Reggie Sunset
Most Fierce Ass: duh……
Best Tip Jar: Maximillion Kleene’s Tipsy the Cow
Most Likely to Melt Tyche with His Voice: TwinGhost Ronas
Most Likely to Melt Tyche with Her Voice: Rara Destiny
Craziest Pants: Grif Bamaisin
Best Use of A Goat and/or Sheep in Sampling: DeepSky Timeless
Most Likely to Introduce You to an Instrument You Have Never Heard Before: Voodoo Shilton
Best Beard: PT Beardmore
Most Likely to Have Meegan Saying “Ph**k” in Local: Phemie Alcott
Most Multi-lingual Songstress: Roxy Paradox
Least Graceful Dismount (aka Most Likely to Play on With a Broken Leg): Frets Nirvana
Best SL to RL Love Story: Avvy Barzane
Most Likely to Loop the F-Bomb: Jordan Reyne
Best Ever to Play Tell Ty: Liz Aday
Best Banana Pancakes: Beamer Lowtide
Kinkiest: Ren Enberg and Quai Franklin
Most Missed: Loreen Legion
Last but never least we have the Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Stephanniyah Sinatra. She has earned this award by being the longest running regular artist to play at After Dark!
Congratulations to all of our winners! We hope that you wear the honor of this award like a badge!
Now on to the after party, where I just got word that Meegan is currently dancing on a table and I am getting conflicting reports as to whether she is clothed or not!
Please enjoy some moments from the red carpet!